My son is 26 and intelligent and lives on his own. But he can’t hold down a job and spends his time playing video games and living on takeaways. He hasThe problems began when he started smoking cannabis at 16. It quickly became a serious addiction. He has struggled with depression since his teens and has seen several counsellors, but doesn’t appear to have made much progress. He takes antidepressants, which help a bit. He stopped smoking quite abruptly about a year ago, but not much changed.
He had me all to himself until he was six, when I met my husband. We had three more children. My son found this difficult, but now he has good relationships with each of his siblings. The relationship between my husband and my son has never been easy, but it isn’t terrible. His biological father cut off all ties early on.
When a person suffers from depression, even getting up and getting dressed is a huge achievement and your son has done more than that. He stopped smoking weed, he’s seen counsellors and has got himself to the doctor to get antidepressants. He’s enrolled on a course and has a place at university. From where I’m sitting, he needs congratulating – it won’t be helping him if he knows you see him as a problem.
I’m wondering – just guessing – whether your husband views your son’s depression like this. Could this be part of why their relationship isn’t that great? If it is the case and if you could re-educate your husband about the true nature of depression, it might help their relationship.
Every week Philippa Perry addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Philippa, please send your problem to
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